How Acceptance Made Me a Better Mother, Wife and Businesswoman

Growing up, I was always someone who managed to accomplish their goals, their dreams. I felt nothing could stop me — until the one day that something did. My life took a left turn, a turn I could never have expected. The short of it is, I had a child while I was in law school.

I wasn’t prepared, I wasn’t ready.

Having a family history of single motherhood, I knew that I could figure out raising a child. What I didn’t know was how to manage being in a loving, committed relationship while raising a child and chasing my career dreams, too. I had no frame of reference, no mentors, no couples to show me how to excel as a wife and mother while still working in a career.

My initial reaction to the situation was to manage it. Mothers were diligent, loving and always put their families first. I did that. I worked outside the home, but the first thing I did when I returned home were all of those things that wives and mothers are expected to do.

I was miserable.

My husband was gone for no less than 12 hours a day, and all of the cooking, cleaning and childcare was left to me. Technically, he was home during the weekend, but he was so exhausted that both of us spent the weekend in bed, watching movies or lounging. Sometimes bingeing on television sounds great. After two years of living this way, I just wanted a break, a real break, from being a wife and from mothering.

When we chose to have our third child, we did so with the agreement that I would become a stay-at-home mother. That third child turned out to be a difficult one and frankly, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to handle working while trying to raise her. Even though I would now spend more time with the children, I figured that I would finally have the opportunity to feel better on the weekends.

I didn’t.

We soon had our fourth child and I became overwhelmed. My career was gone and I was swimming in all things children and babies. I lost myself and who I was. More importantly, I couldn’t find a way out. Any change I made meant more work for me and I was already exhausted.

We moved across the country to have more time as a family. The move wasn’t enough.

I knew I needed more. What I did not know was how to get more. My entire day was booked with something and with my girls hardly sleeping through the night, I couldn’t remember the last time I got a decent night’s sleep.

My exhaustion turned to frustration. My frustration turned to anger.

How could I find myself when there was no time for myself?

I asked my husband for more help. He was willing, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted at the time, but thinking back, I wanted a full eight hours a day, alone, to work.

I was in the unique situation to follow my dream, with no time to pursue it.

Until I accepted where I was.

I had to accept that I had to change my thoughts about everything around me, including my husband, my children, my chores, and my money.

I accepted that no one was going to cover my household chores

I cooked three meals a day. I made beds. I did laundry. I educated my children.

My husband still had his day job and started to dive into his own company. Who was I to take away from that? He was providing for us. How can I ask him to do more chores around the house?

I decided not to. I decided to create a schedule, one that would accomplish everything without going in circles. The kitchen was cleaned nightly, instead of all day long. It was hard to walk into the kitchen and see a pile of dishes and leave them.

I accepted that my children would stay children — for now

I wasn’t ready for them to grow up early, nor was I willing to completely give up the benefits that stay-at-home motherhood had for me.

I still stopped and tended to their needs during most hours, but during nap time and as soon as their father walked int the door, I jumped into my work.

I accepted who my husband was

My husband is hugely supportive. But he’s not me. I want things done a certain way and he doesn’t always do things my way. If I want the break, I realized that I’d have to let him do things his way, so he would keep at it.

I accepted that no one saw my vision

As much as people believed in me, I knew that they didn’t see what I was working for. They didn’t know what I was trying to accomplish. They certainly didn’t know what I was creating.

I had to assess my actions so that they would be on par with my visions. I had to take myself seriously, so others would. I had to make sure that what I was doing was aligned with my vision.

Once I accepted my situation, I was a happier person. I knew what I could and couldn’t expect from others. I did what I needed to do and sometimes skipped out on things that I wanted to do. Now, I’m able to give my family my best and not feel that I’m neglecting my dreams.

What do you have to accept to move ahead? Or what did you have to accept in order to start your own business?


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April Grant

April Grant is a philanthropist and business owner. She juggles wifing and mothering with her business building, so that her three littles have a chance to see her grow a business from scratch. When she's doing any of the above, she's watching the Real Housewives and Scandal.
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15 thoughts on “How Acceptance Made Me a Better Mother, Wife and Businesswoman

  1. I appreciate your post since I’m kind of at a transition state myself. I just need to get through the next 60 days and I’ll be good. At least that what I’m telling myself. 🙂

  2. April, I definitely agree that acceptance is a big key in finding peace and even a bit of happiness in this life. Thank you for sharing all you have gone through to get to this point here today.

  3. April!! I feel like you were writing on my behalf in this post! I was a Teen Mom but after that and my marriage I was totally career focused until my career took a back seat to the Army and then baby numbers 2 through 4! I am only just getting to a place where I have accepted both where I am and where I’m not – and thankfully I am okay with both. My career paths may have changed but I am learning to pursue the ones I have as Mom and Entrepreneur with the same passion and intensity I once had for the corporate world. Great Post!! Thanks so much for sharing it with us this week at Turn It Up Tuesday!

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